I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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