He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i think i just lost a toe
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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