Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
