Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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