my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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