Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
