i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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