Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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