yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
