is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
