This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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