I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
