I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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