So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
