omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
