I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im holly from the hills drunk
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize