Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
