Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
