you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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