So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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