worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
