I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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