either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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