I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
