Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
