Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
