dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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