mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
