I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
