LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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