youre lurking in front of me
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
