now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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