i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
