so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
