those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize