Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
