She said her name was "party"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
