it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I look better un-naked...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
