She said her name was "party"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
