32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
