then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
