Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
