She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
