Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
