Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
