God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize