we have officially lost it.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
