The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
