I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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