I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
