I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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