Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
