i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
A+ Viking dick
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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