Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Vodka?
Forever.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
