I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
