I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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