i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
