Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
