This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
