My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
