Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
