...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
