she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
