tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
