How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
