Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
