I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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