that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
