my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
