Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
