Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
