remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
