so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
