He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
