Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
