there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
50% drunk capacity currently
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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