Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
