I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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