She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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