Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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