i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
splinters make it hard to masturbate
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
