I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
