Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
