I should be sponsored by Trojan
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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